Reflection

Well its been almost a year since I started writing on here.  Honestly I haven't written nearly as much as I intended.  But all the same, I've enjoyed it.  I really wanted to have it as a way to just put some of my thoughts down but also a way for some of my friends and family to keep up with me and my life and thoughts as the moments of life went by.  And oh how they have flown by.

So much has changed this year, yet so much has stayed the same.  I've enjoyed my first year of home ownership, not as stressful as I thought it would be, there's a large pride to owning a house as a single woman.  I didn't realize it when I was going through the process but so many have been surprised that I would do it all on my own.  That's really what this year has been about for me though...being all on my own.  And I don't mean being a grown up making grown up decisions...I mean being single, but not just that because I've been single longer than just this year.  In September my parents moved to Arizona....I didn't really think it would effect my daily life much, and it hasn't.  BUT...the emotions of my daily life has been different.  The knowledge that they aren't just a couple hour drive away is something I was very aware of for the first month.  It just felt like my family unit, my one thing that had been constant was somehow gone.  But its not, its just altered slightly.

With that alteration I found myself desiring even more to start a family unit of my own...because mine has changed, is different and will never be what it was before.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing...it just is!  All a part of growing up I'm sure.  Though my parents are the grown ups here and I think they more than anyone didn't wanna see themselves move away from their kids, BUT!  God has better plans for them of this I'm sure and they did what they were supposed to do!  With them gone though, it leaves a different kind of loneliness that only really family can fill, hence my desire for my own family becoming stronger.  God and I have had lots of talks.  The Bible says ask and you will recieve...but I can't just believe in that.  Because what God wants more than anything for me is to want what HE wants for me!  His plan after all is the perfect plan and I know it is full of good...no!  GREAT! things for me.  I just have my moments where I'm very impatient...though can he really blame a girl...haha!  I know he understands exactly where I'm coming from.  He has after all seen all that I've gone through over the years...

This holiday season has felt...well its felt different.  All the tradition I've ever had in my life has been flipped upside down with the happenings of this past year.  Not just for me but for my whole family.  And though most days it is an unconscious thought in my head, I'm very conscious of it all lately.  My grandparents have all been on my mind...Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Don and Grandma Betty (all in heaven watchin over me right now)...and on that note, Grandma Betty...I just lost her in September.  Not sure that I have every really let myself feel that loss.  This one was so very different from loosing Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Don.  My relationship was different with her...it grew more when i was an adult than what I remember of her as a child.  Occasionally I would drive out just to spend time with her.  We would talk, and laugh, and when I drove her to wherever it was we were going, I would turn on the radio and we would sing...I never knew she could sing until those moments.  It was nice, something I had in common with her.  Its amazing how no matter how long someone is in your life you can still learn from them.  And what did I learn from her....one word FAMILY.  Its something that some people in my family take for granted even today.  I hope try the best I can and always have seen my family as so very important.  Even up to her last dying breath, that is all she wanted was to be together as a family.  And that we were...one last time with her.  It truly tickled her to have the family together, nothing made her happier.  She was proud of her family...especially of her kids.  She even said that being a mother was the single most important thing that she had ever done in her life...that nothing is more important...

Then there is Grandpa Roy and Grandma Rosemary.  And let me just say how very very blessed I feel to have gotten to have another grandma...she loves my family so very much and hardly really knows us still.  After my Grandma Ruth died over 10 years ago...I couldn't imagine someone ever taking her place...she and I had a special relationship...one that I really didn't get the opportunity to have with my other grandparents for whatever reasons.  And then a couple years after her death, Grandpa shows up with Rosemary...who was nothing like my grandma which was weird to take at first.  I mean when all you know is your grandma with your grandpa, it takes some time to adjust to such a change.  But adjust I did and Rosemary is just...a blessing.  I love her so much for the woman she is and the spunk she has.  But more than anything I'm so happy my grandpa was able to find another woman who would love him and take such fantastic care of him, not because she has to, because she WANTS to and would have it no other way.  They are so amazing to see together.  My time with them this summer was so much fun.  I miss them often...especially around the holidays and wish they were closer.

I didn't really sit down tonight having any clue what I was planning on writing...just knew I had things on my mind.  My family will be here for Christmas in a few weeks...so new traditions will be starting.  I'm so excited to see them...they will never ever know what special place they hold in my heart...words can just never be enough.  A close second are my friendships.  This past year some of my friendships have become so much stronger...and some have simmered away.  I've had to say goodbye to some very special people who forever touched my life and left an imprint on my past.  For all these relationships I am so very blessed and grateful.  I look forward to the next year and what God has planned...I had no idea when i said this a year ago he had so much change in store!  We'll see what the next year brings!