Life seems to change a lot and then slow down, so for those busy times this is a place for my family and friends to keep up with me! Enjoy!
About Me
- Amanda Nicole
- At 30 years old I'm learning more and more each day the really the time I have in this life is really all about LOVE and spreading "God's LOVE" as much as I can. I know I will have days that I fail, but those are times to learn from, forgiving myself and move on.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Life is changing...
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Reflection
Well its been almost a year since I started writing on here. Honestly I haven't written nearly as much as I intended. But all the same, I've enjoyed it. I really wanted to have it as a way to just put some of my thoughts down but also a way for some of my friends and family to keep up with me and my life and thoughts as the moments of life went by. And oh how they have flown by.
So much has changed this year, yet so much has stayed the same. I've enjoyed my first year of home ownership, not as stressful as I thought it would be, there's a large pride to owning a house as a single woman. I didn't realize it when I was going through the process but so many have been surprised that I would do it all on my own. That's really what this year has been about for me though...being all on my own. And I don't mean being a grown up making grown up decisions...I mean being single, but not just that because I've been single longer than just this year. In September my parents moved to Arizona....I didn't really think it would effect my daily life much, and it hasn't. BUT...the emotions of my daily life has been different. The knowledge that they aren't just a couple hour drive away is something I was very aware of for the first month. It just felt like my family unit, my one thing that had been constant was somehow gone. But its not, its just altered slightly.
With that alteration I found myself desiring even more to start a family unit of my own...because mine has changed, is different and will never be what it was before. This isn't necessarily a bad thing...it just is! All a part of growing up I'm sure. Though my parents are the grown ups here and I think they more than anyone didn't wanna see themselves move away from their kids, BUT! God has better plans for them of this I'm sure and they did what they were supposed to do! With them gone though, it leaves a different kind of loneliness that only really family can fill, hence my desire for my own family becoming stronger. God and I have had lots of talks. The Bible says ask and you will recieve...but I can't just believe in that. Because what God wants more than anything for me is to want what HE wants for me! His plan after all is the perfect plan and I know it is full of good...no! GREAT! things for me. I just have my moments where I'm very impatient...though can he really blame a girl...haha! I know he understands exactly where I'm coming from. He has after all seen all that I've gone through over the years...
This holiday season has felt...well its felt different. All the tradition I've ever had in my life has been flipped upside down with the happenings of this past year. Not just for me but for my whole family. And though most days it is an unconscious thought in my head, I'm very conscious of it all lately. My grandparents have all been on my mind...Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Don and Grandma Betty (all in heaven watchin over me right now)...and on that note, Grandma Betty...I just lost her in September. Not sure that I have every really let myself feel that loss. This one was so very different from loosing Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Don. My relationship was different with her...it grew more when i was an adult than what I remember of her as a child. Occasionally I would drive out just to spend time with her. We would talk, and laugh, and when I drove her to wherever it was we were going, I would turn on the radio and we would sing...I never knew she could sing until those moments. It was nice, something I had in common with her. Its amazing how no matter how long someone is in your life you can still learn from them. And what did I learn from her....one word FAMILY. Its something that some people in my family take for granted even today. I hope try the best I can and always have seen my family as so very important. Even up to her last dying breath, that is all she wanted was to be together as a family. And that we were...one last time with her. It truly tickled her to have the family together, nothing made her happier. She was proud of her family...especially of her kids. She even said that being a mother was the single most important thing that she had ever done in her life...that nothing is more important...
Then there is Grandpa Roy and Grandma Rosemary. And let me just say how very very blessed I feel to have gotten to have another grandma...she loves my family so very much and hardly really knows us still. After my Grandma Ruth died over 10 years ago...I couldn't imagine someone ever taking her place...she and I had a special relationship...one that I really didn't get the opportunity to have with my other grandparents for whatever reasons. And then a couple years after her death, Grandpa shows up with Rosemary...who was nothing like my grandma which was weird to take at first. I mean when all you know is your grandma with your grandpa, it takes some time to adjust to such a change. But adjust I did and Rosemary is just...a blessing. I love her so much for the woman she is and the spunk she has. But more than anything I'm so happy my grandpa was able to find another woman who would love him and take such fantastic care of him, not because she has to, because she WANTS to and would have it no other way. They are so amazing to see together. My time with them this summer was so much fun. I miss them often...especially around the holidays and wish they were closer.
I didn't really sit down tonight having any clue what I was planning on writing...just knew I had things on my mind. My family will be here for Christmas in a few weeks...so new traditions will be starting. I'm so excited to see them...they will never ever know what special place they hold in my heart...words can just never be enough. A close second are my friendships. This past year some of my friendships have become so much stronger...and some have simmered away. I've had to say goodbye to some very special people who forever touched my life and left an imprint on my past. For all these relationships I am so very blessed and grateful. I look forward to the next year and what God has planned...I had no idea when i said this a year ago he had so much change in store! We'll see what the next year brings!
So much has changed this year, yet so much has stayed the same. I've enjoyed my first year of home ownership, not as stressful as I thought it would be, there's a large pride to owning a house as a single woman. I didn't realize it when I was going through the process but so many have been surprised that I would do it all on my own. That's really what this year has been about for me though...being all on my own. And I don't mean being a grown up making grown up decisions...I mean being single, but not just that because I've been single longer than just this year. In September my parents moved to Arizona....I didn't really think it would effect my daily life much, and it hasn't. BUT...the emotions of my daily life has been different. The knowledge that they aren't just a couple hour drive away is something I was very aware of for the first month. It just felt like my family unit, my one thing that had been constant was somehow gone. But its not, its just altered slightly.
With that alteration I found myself desiring even more to start a family unit of my own...because mine has changed, is different and will never be what it was before. This isn't necessarily a bad thing...it just is! All a part of growing up I'm sure. Though my parents are the grown ups here and I think they more than anyone didn't wanna see themselves move away from their kids, BUT! God has better plans for them of this I'm sure and they did what they were supposed to do! With them gone though, it leaves a different kind of loneliness that only really family can fill, hence my desire for my own family becoming stronger. God and I have had lots of talks. The Bible says ask and you will recieve...but I can't just believe in that. Because what God wants more than anything for me is to want what HE wants for me! His plan after all is the perfect plan and I know it is full of good...no! GREAT! things for me. I just have my moments where I'm very impatient...though can he really blame a girl...haha! I know he understands exactly where I'm coming from. He has after all seen all that I've gone through over the years...
This holiday season has felt...well its felt different. All the tradition I've ever had in my life has been flipped upside down with the happenings of this past year. Not just for me but for my whole family. And though most days it is an unconscious thought in my head, I'm very conscious of it all lately. My grandparents have all been on my mind...Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Don and Grandma Betty (all in heaven watchin over me right now)...and on that note, Grandma Betty...I just lost her in September. Not sure that I have every really let myself feel that loss. This one was so very different from loosing Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Don. My relationship was different with her...it grew more when i was an adult than what I remember of her as a child. Occasionally I would drive out just to spend time with her. We would talk, and laugh, and when I drove her to wherever it was we were going, I would turn on the radio and we would sing...I never knew she could sing until those moments. It was nice, something I had in common with her. Its amazing how no matter how long someone is in your life you can still learn from them. And what did I learn from her....one word FAMILY. Its something that some people in my family take for granted even today. I hope try the best I can and always have seen my family as so very important. Even up to her last dying breath, that is all she wanted was to be together as a family. And that we were...one last time with her. It truly tickled her to have the family together, nothing made her happier. She was proud of her family...especially of her kids. She even said that being a mother was the single most important thing that she had ever done in her life...that nothing is more important...
Then there is Grandpa Roy and Grandma Rosemary. And let me just say how very very blessed I feel to have gotten to have another grandma...she loves my family so very much and hardly really knows us still. After my Grandma Ruth died over 10 years ago...I couldn't imagine someone ever taking her place...she and I had a special relationship...one that I really didn't get the opportunity to have with my other grandparents for whatever reasons. And then a couple years after her death, Grandpa shows up with Rosemary...who was nothing like my grandma which was weird to take at first. I mean when all you know is your grandma with your grandpa, it takes some time to adjust to such a change. But adjust I did and Rosemary is just...a blessing. I love her so much for the woman she is and the spunk she has. But more than anything I'm so happy my grandpa was able to find another woman who would love him and take such fantastic care of him, not because she has to, because she WANTS to and would have it no other way. They are so amazing to see together. My time with them this summer was so much fun. I miss them often...especially around the holidays and wish they were closer.
I didn't really sit down tonight having any clue what I was planning on writing...just knew I had things on my mind. My family will be here for Christmas in a few weeks...so new traditions will be starting. I'm so excited to see them...they will never ever know what special place they hold in my heart...words can just never be enough. A close second are my friendships. This past year some of my friendships have become so much stronger...and some have simmered away. I've had to say goodbye to some very special people who forever touched my life and left an imprint on my past. For all these relationships I am so very blessed and grateful. I look forward to the next year and what God has planned...I had no idea when i said this a year ago he had so much change in store! We'll see what the next year brings!
Friday, December 3, 2010
One Last Christmas - Matthew West Official Music Video
This is a beautiful song that reminds me of so many little lives that have been lost in the time I've been blessed to be a nurse in the PICU. So many of these families go through so much and still keep up their hope and courage through each day never taking the next day for granted. Just another reminder of the beautiful children that touch my life every day and why I love what i do no matter what the end result, the important thing is that I do all I can to care for these families and their children and show them love and support the best I can. Their strength and endurance in the hardest of times is always amazing to me.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Reflection on a wonderful Grandma
It was with heavy hearts that we lost my grandma Betty on September 3rd. We were all at her bedside in the hospital room as she took her last breath. Its the hardest thing I've ever had to endure watching, but all at the same time peaceful. She was tired and was ready to go and she had just what she wanted...her family at her side, all loving her and loving each other. I couldn't imagine the pain my Aunt Karen, Uncle Randy and my mom have endured for i couldn't imagine loosing my mother. I know its all a part of life, and she did have a great life, and she lived! She lived for her family! Just moments before she passed she said the best thing she ever did was be a mom and eventually being a grandmother. She said as far as she was concerned it was the single most important thing a woman could do and she was so very proud of her kids and grandkid...that she thought she did a pretty good job :) Some of you may see it odd that i'm posting this now, but due to moving my parents we were unable to attend the funeral. So this is kind of my own little service to her. Remember her...her eyes with such sparkle for life, her love for her family and the traditions we carried on for years, and one of the things i will remember most is her laugh. I'm happy to say all of us girls got the giggle genes and i'm so glad because now when i get the giggles i know I will think of her. It was so amazing to get to know her in my adulthood, grandparents hold such a different place in your heart as you get older than when you were a child. She gave me the best thing i could ever imagine and that is a wonderful mom who loves her children more than any other people on this earth. She has amazed me this past week in the loss of her mom, her strength is just unbelievable. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful woman to look up to in my life and even luckier that she is my mom.
The following poem was the poem I was lucky enough to pick for the program for the funeral services.
God looked around His garden
and He found an empty place,
He then looked down upon this
earth, and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful.
He alwasy takes the best.
He knew that you were suffereing,
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never get
well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough
and hte hills were hard to climb.
So He closed your weary eyelids,
and whispered, "Peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you but
You didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you
the day God called you home.
I will forever miss you grandma but you will always live on in my heart and in my memories.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
New song!
For those of you who know me and know me well, you know i am a huge music person. I'm always finding new songs that seem to have been written out of my own head! Well I have a new one people! If you don't know who Fireflight is then you should! They are an amazingly talented christian rock band and they have a song called "All I Need To Be"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z_GWPbPOmY
Go listen to it! Its awesome!
Here are the lyrics too!
Hoping with each new day
I'm moving forward, I push the fear away
And I let go
'Cause I'm so through with barely hanging on
Leaving what's in the past behind
I come closer to crossing over the line
And I won't stop
Until I get what I've been fighting for
You've said it all before
Tell me again that I am strong
Tell me again that I won't fall
I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong
Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
You have made me all I need to be
Knowing all that I can do is be open when You start to move
In my heart
And now my God, I finally hear Your voice
You've said it all before
Who I am is all I've got
And I can't be who I am not anymore
(I am strong, make me believe)
You have made me all I need to be
(I am strong, make me believe, make me believe)
I'm just always amazed at how God is always there to pick us up when we fall, encourage us when we are down, be an ear to hear when we need to vent...he's always there! I love the part of this song that says "Knowing all that I can do is be open when you start to move in my heart"--isn't that all we ever want is for God to move in our lives. I mean he can give us a life that we couldn't even image up and it is so much better than anything we ever dreamed! I know we all have a hard time giving up everything to him, but imagine if we actually did! Imagine what kind of works God could do for us and through us! I'm just saying...think about it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z_GWPbPOmY
Go listen to it! Its awesome!
Here are the lyrics too!
Hoping with each new day
I'm moving forward, I push the fear away
And I let go
'Cause I'm so through with barely hanging on
Leaving what's in the past behind
I come closer to crossing over the line
And I won't stop
Until I get what I've been fighting for
You've said it all before
Tell me again that I am strong
Tell me again that I won't fall
I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong
Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
You have made me all I need to be
Knowing all that I can do is be open when You start to move
In my heart
And now my God, I finally hear Your voice
You've said it all before
Who I am is all I've got
And I can't be who I am not anymore
(I am strong, make me believe)
You have made me all I need to be
(I am strong, make me believe, make me believe)
I'm just always amazed at how God is always there to pick us up when we fall, encourage us when we are down, be an ear to hear when we need to vent...he's always there! I love the part of this song that says "Knowing all that I can do is be open when you start to move in my heart"--isn't that all we ever want is for God to move in our lives. I mean he can give us a life that we couldn't even image up and it is so much better than anything we ever dreamed! I know we all have a hard time giving up everything to him, but imagine if we actually did! Imagine what kind of works God could do for us and through us! I'm just saying...think about it!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Sorry its been so long!
Goodness it has been a while since i've posted on here! Seems to be the trend for me the last few months! Let see, since i wrote last, I have had my birthday. Was in Dan and Ashley's wedding here in Valley Center, then went to Eureka Springs for my friend Meghan and Kevin's wedding. Its been a busy year so far, but i think things are gonna calm down...they sorta have to cuz I don't have money to be in anyone elses weddings lol or buy anymore gifts haha. I enjoyed every minute of it though. I'm so glad that all of my friends have such wonderful things happening in their lives. What's going on with me?? Not a whole lot! Still lovin my house, workin on thing with it every once in a while...not much to do outside cuz its so hot! Spending time at the gym and at the pool while its still hot out. Though i've not enjoyed the super hot days we've had, i'm not ready for summer to be over. Especially since i'm not a big fan of the impending snow that will for sure come our way again this year. Things in my family continue to change. My sister is still in Las Vegas, my brother is still at KU getting ready to finish his last year at KU, and my parents sold their business and are retired, are in the process of closing on selling their house and looking for a new place to live. So much is changing and yet its so awesome to see the great things that God is doing for all the people I love. I can't wait to see what great and happy surprises he has in store for me the rest of this year. Oh I almost forgot! Me and my parents also took a trip down to Griffin Georgia to see family down there. It was a long road trip but actually very pretty. Tennessee was by far my favorite. Here are some pics for you all to enjoy!
Wanda and I :)
Me with mom and dad at the park by their house!
Me and Grandpa--love him so much!
Visit with Grandpa and Rosemary
We stopped to see Big Brutus on the way to Eureka Springs!
We stopped for lunch and there were a bunch of monarch butterflies that just let me pick them up! It was way cool!
me haha
Meg and I at the beginning of our 8 mile canoe trip down the White River (it was 46 degrees in the water!)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Deep thought...
Anyone who knows me knows that I have an extreme passion for music. I love finding songs that I could have come straight from my heart and mind. I was listening to Francesca Battistelli and heard this song, that i've probably heard many times before but for some reason it struck a chord with me this time! It just spoke so much to me. We all do our best to put on our strong faces even when we know we don't have to...we do it anyway, to prove to ourselves that everything is fine, that all is well. Very rarely in life is there not some kind of struggle, worry, concern...and we try to do our best to give it all to God. That's probably one of the hardest things we are called to do as christians...Give it all to God...to never worry. And though I find comfort in knowing he has all good plans for my life, its hard when you don't know what those plans are! You don't wanna make decisions now that will mess with what he's trying to do and then again you don't want to NOT do something in worries that it may be God's plan as well. And though I think God can have his will in everything, i think our free will can mess things up a bit for us. With my birthday approaching there is always some amount of self reflection...thoughts of things I should or shouldn't have done, or things I did or didn't say that I should or shouldn't have. I do very few things lightly when it comes to my life or others and I do my best to seek God in it all. That's really all we can do isn't it?? So this song talks about what goes on behind the scenes...what people don't say and what people are really thinking. What is awesome is even the behind the scene stuff God KNOWS! How awesome is that...there are no secrets with him...what a load off!! Here are the lyrics to the song below...look it up, its a great song, an acoustic version would be even better lol!
Behind The Scenes
Album: My Paper Heart: Deluxe Edition
Artist: Francesca Battistelli
You may think
I’m just fine
How could anything
Ever be out of line?
I take my time
To set the stage
To make sure everything
Is all in place
Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words
(Chorus)
Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes
Sometimes I can’t see
Anything
Through the dark
Surrounding me
And at times I’m unsure
About the ground
Beneath my feet
If it’s safe and sound
When it’s hard to find hope in the unseen
I have peace in knowing it will find me
(Chorus)
You may think I’m just fine
How could anything ever be out of line?
(Chorus)
Behind The Scenes
Album: My Paper Heart: Deluxe Edition
Artist: Francesca Battistelli
You may think
I’m just fine
How could anything
Ever be out of line?
I take my time
To set the stage
To make sure everything
Is all in place
Even though I’ve got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words
(Chorus)
Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes
Sometimes I can’t see
Anything
Through the dark
Surrounding me
And at times I’m unsure
About the ground
Beneath my feet
If it’s safe and sound
When it’s hard to find hope in the unseen
I have peace in knowing it will find me
(Chorus)
You may think I’m just fine
How could anything ever be out of line?
(Chorus)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Ok its been a while...
Well here I am again! Sorry it has been a couple months! I have been busy with wedding bliss and travel (no no no of course it wasn't my wedding)! I have been continuing to build my second career as a bridesmaid, not sure how many weddings this makes now but either way it is always an honor when my wonderful girlfriends see me as someone they want to stand next to them on their wedding day. By the time my wedding comes a long I will know more than I ever wanted to know about weddings haha! (j/k) My wonderful friend Reema got married to her best friend on April 10th. The month prior we had a bachelorette weekend NYC style and all met up for some much needed fun girls time! It was an awesome time! So here are some pictures from that and the wedding as well! It was definitely like nothing I have ever been a part of before and I am so happy for Reema and Ricky (who are currently livin in up in Jamaica for their honey moon!)
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